Validation is one of the most powerful but misunderstood skills in relationships.

To validate someone is not to say their behaviour is okay. It is to say: Given what you’ve been through, your feelings make sense. It sounds like: “After everything that happened, it makes sense that you’re this upset.”
“If I had gone through that, I’d be shaken too.”

This simple move often releases more tension than a long lecture. There is a famous story that shows this so clearly.

A young man once came to the Prophet ﷺ and said openly, “Give me permission to commit zina.”

The companions were shocked and moved to rebuke him, but the Prophet ﷺ told them to leave him and drew the young man closer. Then he ﷺ began asking questions:

“Would you like that for your mother?”
He said, “No, by Allah.”
“Would you like it for your daughter? Your sister? Your aunt?”

Each time, the young man answered, “No, by Allah,” and the Prophet ﷺ replied, “And people do not like it for theirs either.”

Then the Prophet ﷺ placed his hand on the young man’s chest and made du‘a for him, asking Allah to forgive him, purify his heart, and guard his chastity.

The Prophet ﷺ did not shame him. He treated the urge as a real, human experience. He showed the young man that his feelings were understandable, but redirected his thinking and behaviour with gentleness and clarity. That is validation: “I understand where this is coming from,” without saying the action is acceptable.

In our own relationships, especially with youth, spouses, or friends in pain, we are invited to do the same:

First, show “I get why you feel this way.”
Then, from that place of trust, guide toward what pleases Allah.

REFLECT ON THIS:

When someone comes to us in pain, do we rush to correct before we understand?

^{Share your reflections in the poll at the end of the email.}